It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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