u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize