shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Randomize
