OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
