i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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