I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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