He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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