CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
