it's great music for shaving your balls
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
