my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
