She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize