ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
high people should be assigned attendants
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
