i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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