Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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