if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
