i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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