I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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