Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
