Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
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