Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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