That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
