i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
