It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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