Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
