last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
