just survived the first fart of the relationship.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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