i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
