that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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