you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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