i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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