My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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