She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
