Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
