you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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