Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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