So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
