dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
