OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
