Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
