My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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