I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
