I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
