Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
