Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
