The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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