What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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