I'm eating all of the evidence.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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