It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Is it penis luge time yet?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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