So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
