Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
