he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
