it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
