I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
