Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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