He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
