This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
