I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
