he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
