i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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