This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
